Normally on my blog I really don’t talk about anything political and controversial. I try to keep it easy and breezy. Not because I can’t mentally grasp and dissect heavy themes, but I try to use this space as a way to divert my attention from the serious social ills of society (police brutality, immigration woes, so forth). So, if you check out prior blog posts, I talk a lot about food and beauty products (and some other trivial stuff). But this topic caught my eye, and not really in a positive way. On FB, I follow tons of groups, all based on my varied interests. Out of the many groups I belong to, I follow a religious-based group daily, mainly because the content is hilarious. (I like to think that God has a sense of humor, and laughter IS good for the soul!), However, the levity is balanced with serious questions about developing a relationship with God, child-rearing, forgiveness, and of course dating/marriage. Recently, one member shared a video in which the narrator mentioned viral relationship pundit Ro Elori Cutno, and how she kinda agreed with Cutno (marriage is not based off love, rather it is for generational success and personal growth). As she explained that while love is a component of marriage, it isn’t a vehicle for it, but rather it is used to build. Honestly, as she spoke I just cringed on the inside. Let me break it down for you……
1.) Let’s address marriage from a spiritual standpoint: For those you who don’t realize it, I am a Christian who happens to be a Seventh-Day Adventist as well. I have always viewed marriage as not only a civil contract between a man and a woman, but as a higher, deeper symbolic relationship in how Christ interacts His people (i.e. the church). Love, grace, and forgiveness are driving forces in our individual walk with God. As such, these things do come up in the marriage covenant as well.
2.) Marriage is not an escape from reality: When I married my husband nearly eight years ago, I was amazed on how ordinary I felt as a newlywed. Let me explain fully….. I was now dealing with the reality of sharing time, space and resources with someone else I loved. With that said, I was not shielded from work stress, arguments, and other bad situations. Now, I had (and still do have) someone who was going to walk with me during this time. Bringing this back to Cutno: as a black woman in America, I am constantly warring against prejudices fueled by stereotypes. It did not lessen when I got married and had children. Putting it out there for ya: Cutno and her followers believe that they can avoid these by marrying African men (wealthy ones, if possible) and living overseas. At that point, marriage has now become a vehicle to avoid the political/societal ramifications of being black in the US. Going back to point #1, who/what is the center of YOUR marriage?
3.) What does it mean to build within marriage?: What are your goals in a marriage? Is it solely financial? Is it to gratify only your needs for importance? Are you trying to use your spouse to avoid reality? None of that is healthy for you or your spouse. Aside from love, what is the strongest bond keeping you two together and afloat in a culture that constantly changes and is challenging?
I get frustrated when folks use marriage to advance personal agendas without including the divine source that created the institution of it. Marriage is beautiful, difficult, and simultaneously rewarding. Much like our spiritual lives.
What are your thoughts on marriage?
P.S. check out the vid that inspired this post here: http://https://www.facebook.com/TorahCents/videos/1534576779919294/